Conquering the closet Sooner or later, we've all got to face our fears. We've got to muster up some courage and determination and wipe away the cobwebs from our eyes. We've got to purge things that just don't serve our lives any more. Boy, this sounds pretty intense for a visit into our closets! Yes, I was talking about cleaning out our closets and drawers, what were you thinking? Long black trench coat that I haven't worn since I was 20 - check! Pictures that I bought that I thought I'd hang up, but haven't - check. Shirts that I keep looking at in my drawer and saying, "I might wear that, I guess - check! You get the idea. As much as I dread cleaning out my closets and drawers, today was the day that I was going to have some triumph. Normally, I intend to have a great clean out day. I move toward the closet or chest of drawers, open it, take a deep sigh and then quickly shut it and run out of my room! It takes alot of energy sometimes to tackle your stuff, especially if it is tied to memories. Such is the case with my bedroom closet. It's taken me 6 years to go through my mom's stuff since she died. It was difficult to go through my things, especially since they were mixed in with all of hers. Then, over the years, I just opened my heart to the possibility that these things were not really "her" but reminded me of her. By giving away this "stuff", I wasn't giving any part of her memory away. But, that took years. Grief is a journey and we will weave in and out of it over time. I think that I have a few more things in my closet of hers that might need to move on, but I'll wait until my heart says, "I'm ready". Ok, so what about all the other stuff? No attachments there. I really don't have any excuses for hanging on to it. Well, I usually use a few tactics to avoid the whole experience. Sometimes, I put my frugal lenses on and say," But, I shouldn't give this away. It's perfectly fine." Or I anticipate that I will probably use it some time down the road. Probably is the key word. As you may have guessed, probably doesn't happen. This year I decided to tackle things very differently. I've heard the tips, "If you haven't used it in a year, get rid of it." Boy, was that hard. But, with added determination, I took a stack of my shirts and tried each one on in front of the mirror. It I said the words, "It's ok", I put it in the give away pile. If I put a shirt on and immediately loved it - the color, the way it felt, looked, etc, then I kept it. It was actually quite easy. I had just been lazy the other years and not tried things on. Books are the hardest thing for me to give away. I simply love books. I always want to keep the good ones and to be honest, I think they're all good. That would be problem #1. Problem #2 is that I have ample bookshelf storage for all my books, so what's the big deal? It hit me one day when my youngest son said, "Mom, you're bookshelf is in my room. Can I have my room back?" Poor guy, he was right. My bookshelf was in his room and he had grand designs for the extra space. After all, Lego building is MUCH more important than me storing my hundreds of books. I was then faced with the dilemma. To re-locate the shelf or not. After pacing in and out of the room, I made the quick decision to grab some boxes and fill them with all the books. There were maybe 20 that I could not part with, but the rest made it into the boxes. Problem#3 - getting the boxes out of the house without looking at what's inside. Ever done that? You re-visit your giveaway decision and then begin to unpack the box? Well, I'm happy to say that my boxes made it to the van... over a month ago. You thought I was doing pretty good, right? That's why today was the day to conquer the van trunk full of books. I kind of had to think about dealing with it after my husband said a week ago, "Honey, I've got nowhere to put the groceries cause the trunk if full of those books. Were you giving them away any time soon?" So, this morning, with great resolve, I got my keys, my trench coat, frames, shirts and books and got in the van. (Yes, I did turn the van on, have a little faith!) This is where problem #4 could have come in to the picture, but didn't. I drove straight to the thrift shop and dropped everything off. No detours (that's problem #4) You know what? It felt great to overcome my fear of the closet! I came home feeling great! I had cleared my closets and I think that I had accomplished clearing my mind as well. We need to have more "clear spaces" in our homes, our minds and in our calendars. So, what are you waiting for? Pick a day (no, sometime next year won't work), grab some bags and get busy making some space in your home and in your mind. The great thing is that the effort will be so worth it. Your no longer needed things will make someone else's day. Hopefully, they'll know when it's time to clean out their closets and share the joy of letting things go.

The homeless - Will we look?

I came down to California to take care of my sister while she recovers from surgery. Every day, I talk a walk along the streets of Santa Monica. I take in the fresh ocean air, the warmth of the sunny weather and the beautiful sights of palm trees and cactus plants lining the road. I've learned that I CANNOT use palm trees as a landmark. Maps work much better!

I don't think that I've ever seen this many Mercedes, Aston Martins or Jaguars in my life. Shopping is a bit of a sport here. There is an abundance of healthy choices for eating. There are 3 Whole Foods (organic) Markets within 20 blocks. You can get your FULL dose of vitamin D and ample exercise with a stroll down the street. I think. I now understand why people live 6 months in Canada and 6 months in sunny California. Sunshine is very motivating.

But, there is another side to California. There is alot of homelessness. There is no particular "spot" where the homeless reside. They are everywhere - East L.A, the suburbs, Santa Monica, outside the gates of Disneyland and even Beverly Hills. No matter where you travel you will find that homelessness knows no bounds. Each homeless person is unique. Some are quite friendly, asking if you're having a good day. Some sing to themselves, as if they are in their own world. Some hope you'll join along. Many people walk by ignoring the homeless. Somehow, people have a hard time coming face to face with poverty. To look at someone in the eyes and say "hello" is like having to acknowledge poverty and be put in the place of having to respond. Very uncomfortable for most. I decided a long time ago, that the poor should not be treated as "faceless" people. They are human being that deserve the dignity of human compassion and kindness. I experienced this in Ethiopia when riding in a taxi bus one day. When several limbless poor people threw themselves at our vehicle begging for money, everyone's response was to purposely look away. I just couldn't do it. They deserved to be acknowledged like anyone else. How would any of us feel to be ignored and looked upon as outcasts and "digraceful". Aren't we supposed to love others and give grace every chance we can get?

So, here in California, it's no different. I'm now familiar with a few of the homeless people on my way to Whole Foods. They greet me and I greet them back. And I'm particulary interested in the tanned old man with the bushy white and dishevelled hair. He sits outside of Walgreen's on a bench, folding and organizing his clothes very neatly. He really cares about the state of his belongings, even though he lives on the street. He occasionally asks people for bus change, but mostly delights in friendly conversation. I'd like to know his story. What happened to him along the way? My heart aches.

I am deeply saddened to see homelessness anywhere. I wonder, "When did they lose themselves? When did hopelessness and rejection set in?" "Were they like this as kids?" And the thought that always crosses my mind is this, "They were all children at one point - completely innocent and unknowing of their futures." SAD. The big news of Los Angeles right now is about the serial killer that has taken the lives of 4 homeless people. His target - the vulnerable, the least of these. How can anyone take the life of a vulnerable, defenceless homeless person? What kind of hopelessness, anger and pain can cause of person to do that? And what can we do to protect the homeless? How can we take care of them? How can we work together to prevent this kind of life from beginning in the first place?

Yes, the problem of homelessness is overwhelming. But, overwhelming does not mean that we throw in the towel and turn our faces. Perhaps it begins with a smile, a greeting, or some time spent feeding them at a soup kitchen. We need to come face to face with poverty in some way or we have the danger of overlooking it. We must also realize that we are not far from poverty ourselves. Some people live pay check to pay check, drowning in debt. Some people are overtaken by stress, broken relationships, poor health, jobs they don't like, and uncertain futures. Some people are over-scheduled on the hamster wheel of life......turning, turning, running, running. The sad thing is that people bring their kids along for the ride. Kids do learn from what they see more than from what they are told. Are we really that far off from crossing the line into poverty? Can we humble ourselves? Can we come "face to face" with the reality of poverty - our own and that of the homeless? Can we look at the poor with eyes that say, "you're just like me and I care"? Will we look?

Stand Tall

Stand Tall

I find that I can learn a lot from the things around me. Take Christmas trees for example. You’re probably thinking, “You’ve got to be kidding me!” I know. It sounds strange, but stay with me.

I realize that it’s January 5th and Christmas is well over. But, this morning as I was sitting on my couch sipping on a hot coffee, I was reminded of the Christmas tree that I have yet to take down. It’s not looking as pretty as it did when I first decorated it. That might have to do with the fact that it wasn’t fastened properly to its stand from the start and has come crashing down…twice. It got re-arranged those two times, but somehow, it’s lost its original decorative zeal in our living room.

Nonetheless, my tree stands there wearing many looks. There is a part that bears its original resemblance to the day that I decorated it. Shiny red and silver bulbs hang amidst tinsel and handmade decorations that the boys made in school when they were little. It is the glorious part of my tree. Yet, not too far away is the tussled and tangled side. Some of the bulbs have come off and things are in disarray. And then, there’s the remaining part of the tree, which is completely bare. Surprisingly enough, it is still lush and green. Maybe there’s something in that.

At first, I looked at the bare part and thought, “How empty and ugly”. But, in fact, now that I think about it, the bare part of the tree is the best part. It’s as though it’s standing there saying, “This is who I really am. I don’t have to be adorned to be beautiful. I’m tall, I’m green and I rather like myself.”

Christmas trees are so much like people. How do we feel about ourselves when we stand “bare and surrendered” in our lives? Like the tree, we can go through times in our lives when things come crashing down. Aspects of our lives can get into complete disarray. There are even times when we feel completely stripped and bare, tipping over and hardly able to stand.

Do we feel a need to adorn our lives with extras? Are we so concerned about what others think that we have to hide ourselves behind “shiny, elaborate ornament like a lifestyle we can’t maintain, an image that seems acceptable to others, or even the masks we wear because we don’t like who we see in the mirror? Or can we stand confident in who we are, clothed in the joy and simplicity of transparency, honesty and reality?

Like the bare Christmas tree, we can stand with the full assurance that we are enough. We have all that we need if we’re willing to let go of all that we think we should be or that others think we should be. The ornaments in our lives dress up the original masterpiece – us! Why not just stand tall in your shoes and revel in the joy of who you are. Just like the Christmas tree you are uniquely made, beautiful and a fragrance to the world.

Now, I bet you were wondering what I could possibly say about Christmas trees.