Conquering the closet Sooner or later, we've all got to face our fears. We've got to muster up some courage and determination and wipe away the cobwebs from our eyes. We've got to purge things that just don't serve our lives any more. Boy, this sounds pretty intense for a visit into our closets! Yes, I was talking about cleaning out our closets and drawers, what were you thinking? Long black trench coat that I haven't worn since I was 20 - check! Pictures that I bought that I thought I'd hang up, but haven't - check. Shirts that I keep looking at in my drawer and saying, "I might wear that, I guess - check! You get the idea. As much as I dread cleaning out my closets and drawers, today was the day that I was going to have some triumph. Normally, I intend to have a great clean out day. I move toward the closet or chest of drawers, open it, take a deep sigh and then quickly shut it and run out of my room! It takes alot of energy sometimes to tackle your stuff, especially if it is tied to memories. Such is the case with my bedroom closet. It's taken me 6 years to go through my mom's stuff since she died. It was difficult to go through my things, especially since they were mixed in with all of hers. Then, over the years, I just opened my heart to the possibility that these things were not really "her" but reminded me of her. By giving away this "stuff", I wasn't giving any part of her memory away. But, that took years. Grief is a journey and we will weave in and out of it over time. I think that I have a few more things in my closet of hers that might need to move on, but I'll wait until my heart says, "I'm ready". Ok, so what about all the other stuff? No attachments there. I really don't have any excuses for hanging on to it. Well, I usually use a few tactics to avoid the whole experience. Sometimes, I put my frugal lenses on and say," But, I shouldn't give this away. It's perfectly fine." Or I anticipate that I will probably use it some time down the road. Probably is the key word. As you may have guessed, probably doesn't happen. This year I decided to tackle things very differently. I've heard the tips, "If you haven't used it in a year, get rid of it." Boy, was that hard. But, with added determination, I took a stack of my shirts and tried each one on in front of the mirror. It I said the words, "It's ok", I put it in the give away pile. If I put a shirt on and immediately loved it - the color, the way it felt, looked, etc, then I kept it. It was actually quite easy. I had just been lazy the other years and not tried things on. Books are the hardest thing for me to give away. I simply love books. I always want to keep the good ones and to be honest, I think they're all good. That would be problem #1. Problem #2 is that I have ample bookshelf storage for all my books, so what's the big deal? It hit me one day when my youngest son said, "Mom, you're bookshelf is in my room. Can I have my room back?" Poor guy, he was right. My bookshelf was in his room and he had grand designs for the extra space. After all, Lego building is MUCH more important than me storing my hundreds of books. I was then faced with the dilemma. To re-locate the shelf or not. After pacing in and out of the room, I made the quick decision to grab some boxes and fill them with all the books. There were maybe 20 that I could not part with, but the rest made it into the boxes. Problem#3 - getting the boxes out of the house without looking at what's inside. Ever done that? You re-visit your giveaway decision and then begin to unpack the box? Well, I'm happy to say that my boxes made it to the van... over a month ago. You thought I was doing pretty good, right? That's why today was the day to conquer the van trunk full of books. I kind of had to think about dealing with it after my husband said a week ago, "Honey, I've got nowhere to put the groceries cause the trunk if full of those books. Were you giving them away any time soon?" So, this morning, with great resolve, I got my keys, my trench coat, frames, shirts and books and got in the van. (Yes, I did turn the van on, have a little faith!) This is where problem #4 could have come in to the picture, but didn't. I drove straight to the thrift shop and dropped everything off. No detours (that's problem #4) You know what? It felt great to overcome my fear of the closet! I came home feeling great! I had cleared my closets and I think that I had accomplished clearing my mind as well. We need to have more "clear spaces" in our homes, our minds and in our calendars. So, what are you waiting for? Pick a day (no, sometime next year won't work), grab some bags and get busy making some space in your home and in your mind. The great thing is that the effort will be so worth it. Your no longer needed things will make someone else's day. Hopefully, they'll know when it's time to clean out their closets and share the joy of letting things go.

The homeless - Will we look?

I came down to California to take care of my sister while she recovers from surgery. Every day, I talk a walk along the streets of Santa Monica. I take in the fresh ocean air, the warmth of the sunny weather and the beautiful sights of palm trees and cactus plants lining the road. I've learned that I CANNOT use palm trees as a landmark. Maps work much better!

I don't think that I've ever seen this many Mercedes, Aston Martins or Jaguars in my life. Shopping is a bit of a sport here. There is an abundance of healthy choices for eating. There are 3 Whole Foods (organic) Markets within 20 blocks. You can get your FULL dose of vitamin D and ample exercise with a stroll down the street. I think. I now understand why people live 6 months in Canada and 6 months in sunny California. Sunshine is very motivating.

But, there is another side to California. There is alot of homelessness. There is no particular "spot" where the homeless reside. They are everywhere - East L.A, the suburbs, Santa Monica, outside the gates of Disneyland and even Beverly Hills. No matter where you travel you will find that homelessness knows no bounds. Each homeless person is unique. Some are quite friendly, asking if you're having a good day. Some sing to themselves, as if they are in their own world. Some hope you'll join along. Many people walk by ignoring the homeless. Somehow, people have a hard time coming face to face with poverty. To look at someone in the eyes and say "hello" is like having to acknowledge poverty and be put in the place of having to respond. Very uncomfortable for most. I decided a long time ago, that the poor should not be treated as "faceless" people. They are human being that deserve the dignity of human compassion and kindness. I experienced this in Ethiopia when riding in a taxi bus one day. When several limbless poor people threw themselves at our vehicle begging for money, everyone's response was to purposely look away. I just couldn't do it. They deserved to be acknowledged like anyone else. How would any of us feel to be ignored and looked upon as outcasts and "digraceful". Aren't we supposed to love others and give grace every chance we can get?

So, here in California, it's no different. I'm now familiar with a few of the homeless people on my way to Whole Foods. They greet me and I greet them back. And I'm particulary interested in the tanned old man with the bushy white and dishevelled hair. He sits outside of Walgreen's on a bench, folding and organizing his clothes very neatly. He really cares about the state of his belongings, even though he lives on the street. He occasionally asks people for bus change, but mostly delights in friendly conversation. I'd like to know his story. What happened to him along the way? My heart aches.

I am deeply saddened to see homelessness anywhere. I wonder, "When did they lose themselves? When did hopelessness and rejection set in?" "Were they like this as kids?" And the thought that always crosses my mind is this, "They were all children at one point - completely innocent and unknowing of their futures." SAD. The big news of Los Angeles right now is about the serial killer that has taken the lives of 4 homeless people. His target - the vulnerable, the least of these. How can anyone take the life of a vulnerable, defenceless homeless person? What kind of hopelessness, anger and pain can cause of person to do that? And what can we do to protect the homeless? How can we take care of them? How can we work together to prevent this kind of life from beginning in the first place?

Yes, the problem of homelessness is overwhelming. But, overwhelming does not mean that we throw in the towel and turn our faces. Perhaps it begins with a smile, a greeting, or some time spent feeding them at a soup kitchen. We need to come face to face with poverty in some way or we have the danger of overlooking it. We must also realize that we are not far from poverty ourselves. Some people live pay check to pay check, drowning in debt. Some people are overtaken by stress, broken relationships, poor health, jobs they don't like, and uncertain futures. Some people are over-scheduled on the hamster wheel of life......turning, turning, running, running. The sad thing is that people bring their kids along for the ride. Kids do learn from what they see more than from what they are told. Are we really that far off from crossing the line into poverty? Can we humble ourselves? Can we come "face to face" with the reality of poverty - our own and that of the homeless? Can we look at the poor with eyes that say, "you're just like me and I care"? Will we look?

Stand Tall

Stand Tall

I find that I can learn a lot from the things around me. Take Christmas trees for example. You’re probably thinking, “You’ve got to be kidding me!” I know. It sounds strange, but stay with me.

I realize that it’s January 5th and Christmas is well over. But, this morning as I was sitting on my couch sipping on a hot coffee, I was reminded of the Christmas tree that I have yet to take down. It’s not looking as pretty as it did when I first decorated it. That might have to do with the fact that it wasn’t fastened properly to its stand from the start and has come crashing down…twice. It got re-arranged those two times, but somehow, it’s lost its original decorative zeal in our living room.

Nonetheless, my tree stands there wearing many looks. There is a part that bears its original resemblance to the day that I decorated it. Shiny red and silver bulbs hang amidst tinsel and handmade decorations that the boys made in school when they were little. It is the glorious part of my tree. Yet, not too far away is the tussled and tangled side. Some of the bulbs have come off and things are in disarray. And then, there’s the remaining part of the tree, which is completely bare. Surprisingly enough, it is still lush and green. Maybe there’s something in that.

At first, I looked at the bare part and thought, “How empty and ugly”. But, in fact, now that I think about it, the bare part of the tree is the best part. It’s as though it’s standing there saying, “This is who I really am. I don’t have to be adorned to be beautiful. I’m tall, I’m green and I rather like myself.”

Christmas trees are so much like people. How do we feel about ourselves when we stand “bare and surrendered” in our lives? Like the tree, we can go through times in our lives when things come crashing down. Aspects of our lives can get into complete disarray. There are even times when we feel completely stripped and bare, tipping over and hardly able to stand.

Do we feel a need to adorn our lives with extras? Are we so concerned about what others think that we have to hide ourselves behind “shiny, elaborate ornament like a lifestyle we can’t maintain, an image that seems acceptable to others, or even the masks we wear because we don’t like who we see in the mirror? Or can we stand confident in who we are, clothed in the joy and simplicity of transparency, honesty and reality?

Like the bare Christmas tree, we can stand with the full assurance that we are enough. We have all that we need if we’re willing to let go of all that we think we should be or that others think we should be. The ornaments in our lives dress up the original masterpiece – us! Why not just stand tall in your shoes and revel in the joy of who you are. Just like the Christmas tree you are uniquely made, beautiful and a fragrance to the world.

Now, I bet you were wondering what I could possibly say about Christmas trees.

Keep on thinking beautiful; with thoughts we create the world.

There is no doubt that how a person thinks is who they may become. Perched in negative thoughts, we diminish our potential and the potential of others. Our thoughts, whether big or small, have the power to shape and define us. They impacts our ideals, our actions and our outcomes. They affect how we see and respond to the world. This may sound like a strange question but, "What does it take to keep on thinking "beautiful thoughts?" Well, I guess that we need to define "beautiful".

Things that bring delight to the senses, the heart and the mind are beautiful. That encompasses practically everything that we will see, hear, taste, touch or feel with our hearts. And through the lens of beautiful we will give greater value to all of those things. Giving value to those "beautiful" things will also mean that we will be more passionate about preserving those things which brings us such profound satisfaction and joy. Family, friends, nature, time alone, time with others, good health, great relationships, being the best we can be, for ourselves and others. The list goes on and on. There is no limit to how much "beautiful" we have all been given in our lives. Gratitude, now there's another thing to add to the list of beautiful!

Beautiful things deserve our attention. They deserve to be cultivated. Our thoughts need our attention too. We can give room to the beautiful, or, we can too often get caught giving far too much space to the negatives. What if? Why me? That's not fair! I don't like it when.... When will I...? Our thoughts have alot of power over us. The way that we feel will also inevitably affect those around us. We do not have to give room to negative thoughts. In fact, they must have permission to enter into our minds, and we're the ones that give it. If we have thoughts that seem to be entering in that don't serve us well, then we should consider re-visiting where they came from and how we can bid them farewell. What will that take? Perhaps we will need some time to sit down and examine ourselves more closely and honestly. We all need to do that from time to time.

How can we turn those thoughts into "beautiful"?. After all, beautiful can change the world. Beautiful will be the difference between feeling defeated and empowered. It will be the difference between believing that one person can make a difference. It will be the step that saves a relationship between a parent and a child or a husband and wife. Beautiful will help us to journey healthily through grief, sickness and the many realities of our broken world. Beautiful will give us the courage to stand for something or someone instead of falling for everything, or worse yet, doing nothing at all. Courage, hope, trust, determination and every other small bold step that we take hold are all truly beautiful.

Having beautiful thoughts just means that we choose what we put into our minds, how we will process it and how we will act on it. How many of us would like to live to our fullest potential, immersed in a profound sense that we matter and that our lives can make a difference to others? Think on those things that are beautiful. They will surely inspire you to transform your mind, your heart and your soul. The blessings that will follow will be far beyond your imagination. Now that's a beautiful thought!

The Gift

Christmas couldn’t have come sooner! I’ll never forget that morning. I don’t think that I had slept much the night before thinking about the gift that had been on my mind day and night for months. I sprung out of bed, ran down the stairs and headed straight to the living room. Then, I checked the other rooms in the house....no trace. As much as I was hoping that the gift would already be there, it wasn’t. It was too early. I’d have to wait.

The anticipation was unbearable. I paced throughout the house. I snuck behind the beige cotton curtains in our living room, taking every opportunity to see if the bearer of my gift had pulled into the driveway. No luck. I must have looked out that living room window a thousand times. My mother rustled around in the kitchen, preparing some food for our visitors. How could anyone think about food at a time like this? My gift was about to arrive! The hours went by and still, there was no sign of my gift. Every minute that passed seemed like hours. To an excited 8 year old, that’s a very long time!

Finally, the car pulled into the driveway. I was cleverly tucked in front of the curtain again to get the best possible view of my special gift. The driver got out. She then opened the passenger side back door of her car and there was my gift in full view! Wow! Far better than I had ever expected! I was now so over the top with excitement that I got completely tangled in the curtains. I took a deep breath as I heard a knock at the door. The moment that I had been waiting for had finally arrived.

You might think that my special day was Christmas, but it wasn’t. It was a bright, hot June morning, just before lunch. It was the day that my baby sister arrived! She was the gift that I had been waiting for. I had seen her in my mind a thousand times. I’d played with her in my dreams and we had become best friends, long before this day. I can’t even imagine how my mom and dad felt. They had waited so much longer. All that rustling in the kitchen had been my mom preparing lunch for my new 7 month old baby sister. I vividly remember every detail of that day. For one, I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She was just so beautiful with her piercing green eyes and fair complexion. She had short wispy hair and she smelled so good. In the kitchen, she clung tightly to my mom. She was quite serious and observant. I don’t recall any sounds coming from her lips. She simply watched and waited for each moment to unfold. She and I were so different. I had dark olive skin and dark brown eyes. She had those beautiful green eyes and light colored hair. But none of that really mattered to me. She was perfect and she was now part of our family. Most importantly, she was MY sister!

My mom must have sensed my curiosity and intense emotions. I will always cherish her next words to me, “Do you want to hold her? She wants to meet her big sister. Here, sit on the couch and I’ll put her on your lap” There she sat staring up at me with those mesmerizing eyes. In that moment, my heart melted and instantly fused with hers. That day was the beginning of a very beautiful relationship with my sister. We have always been best friends, journeying through all of life’s adventures together. We know each other better than anyone else. We have laughed together and cried together. We have shared our dreams, our hopes and our disappointments. We have held each other close and supported one another during very painful times. We have celebrated many joys. We may not have been born of the same parents, but we were gifted to the same family through adoption. God knew that I’d be anxiously awaiting my little sister that day. He had planned it all out. He knew every detail long before I had perched myself in the curtains with that un-contained excitement or dreamt of the day that I would hold my baby sister in my arms.

God is so very good. He is the giver of life, of love and of blessings beyond our comprehension. He is abounding in His gifts. Today, I look back fondly on my many memories and celebrate one of the greatest gifts that I’ve ever received in my life- the gift of my baby sister.

Expect Sunshine!

I woke up the other morning to a loud thundering rain on my roof. The sky was dark and the rain pelted down like ice chips on my windows. There wasn’t much in me that wanted to crawl out of my warm, cozy bed. But, I had to get up regardless of the rainy day that lay ahead. I went about my regular morning routine taking the occasional glance out the window to confirm my emotions. This was going to be a cold, dreary day. More than likely, I was going to feel unmotivated. As soon as I allowed the thoughts to enter my mind, the energy seemed to get sapped right out of me. Say it and you will be it.
When my 10 year old son came out of his room, he was dressed in his typical attire of camouflage pants and a green t-shirt. He went about his morning as usual until he came to the point where he was slipping his shoes on to run out for the bus. He got up and much to my surprise were his big black sunglasses. They weren’t in his pocket either. He was wearing them.
I did a bit of a double take out the window. YUP, it was still pouring rain. While I had been busy grabbing my umbrella, he had been looking for his sunglasses. “Josh, it’s raining out. Are you sure that you want to wear those sunglasses? I didn’t see any sunshine in the fore-cast for today.” To my surprise, he replied,” Mom, I know it’s raining. But the sun might come out, so I need my glasses.” It was interesting how strange it felt to have him standing there wearing those sunglasses. I paused for a while to think what my next words would be. I just couldn’t resist continuing the conversation. “Seriously though Josh - sunglasses?”
Now, I am a pretty flexible and laid back person. But, I had read the forecast just minutes before. There wasn’t a hint of sunshine in the day. Or at least that’s what I had heard and that’s precisely what I expected. My son Josh, on the other hand, expected sunshine in his day, regardless of the forecast or the obvious down pour outside. My 10 year old taught me a very valuable lesson that morning.
Why must we enter our days expecting rain, even if it’s all that we see with our eyes? Josh was believing for sunshine and his faith was clearly stronger than mine. Even though it didn’t really get sunny that day, the pouring rain lost a bit of its thunder in my mind. I saw it through Josh’s eyes - a rainy day full of possibilities. Or, should I say that I saw it through Josh’s sunglasses?
So, there’s a lesson for all of us. Come what may in your day, expect sunshine! Don’t let the rainy circumstances of your life keep you from seeing the possibilities. Live each moment with an expectation of goodness. Be grateful for all of your days - even the rainy ones.
And for the record, when Josh jumped off the bus that afternoon, he was still wearing his sunglasses. I love that boy! He brings sunshine to my day in more ways than one.

Looking back

Can you imagine what it would be like if you drove everyday looking through the rear view mirror? You might catch a good glimpse of where you'd been, but you sure wouldn't have much luck getting to where you're going. In fact, a steady drive looking solely through the rear view mirror would inevitably bring you to collision.

We do that in life too. We can spend alot of time looking back in our lives. In fact, we can do that so much, that we lose sight entirely of where we are going. The more time we spend looking back, the more likely we are to stay stuck there. And sadly enough, we can get quite comfortable in the familiar of the past. Of course, there are times when looking back has its positives. Just this week, our family reminisced over old pictures. As we looked at our boys, we couldn't believe how little they had once been and how much they have grown. We felt so thankful to God for all that He had brought us through in times of difficulty. We also remembered that we had a lot of fun times together. Memories can be great. They have the power to affirm lives well lived and love well given.

But, on the flip side of that same rear view mirror watching are the things that we look back on that end up serving more as a discouragement in our lives. We can perch ourselves on decisions poorly made, relationships gone wrong, expectations that went unmet, or just plain old life handing us unpleasant and even very painful moments. That kind of mirror watching can leave us disabled or even completely paralyzed in how we live our lives.

We can "look back" in our lives by focusing on things that seem to be holding us back. I've done that with my back injury. "Why did this happen? When will I be able to get back to normal activities? Why do I have to wait? Why have I had to give up certain things? And of course, I could think, "What if...?" But, I choose not to go there - it just isn't going to take me in any positive direction. That's the road of worry. Worry won't add a single moment to my life. If anything, it will make my rear view mirror even larger than it needs to be, filled completely with "me" and not one bit with any thought of rest of the world out there. That's what rear view mirror watching does. It has a way of making us the focus and centre of our lives. We weren't meant to live that way. We were meant to be "other" centred.

There's nothing wrong with looking back for the sake of recollecting good memories. There's nothing wrong with looking back on not-so-good memories either, as long as we can learn from those times and use them as a springboard into the future. Our journey in life can't be taken looking back. It's taken one step at a time...walking forward, anticipating, hoping, trusting, believing that greater things are ahead.

Use your rear view mirror only as needed, for occasional direction. But, keep your eyes on the road ahead of you. The best is yet to come!